Sleepy Quick

Okay so as some of as you know I was being a bit of weirdo hermit for the last month. I love hermits. I have decided I like being a hermit as I have always known. Anyways I finally got out of my apartment on a Friday night. Even though that made me feel rather anxious…ha. Zan and a couple of his friends took me out to Namba to the ‘Hard Rock Café’ which happens to be more of a restaurant then a bar. Thank gosh. Actually they were not very hard drinkers and I got prizes and it was generally a really great time I suppose. Maybe not great…wow its hard for me to admit I was generally amused. I suppose that’s just the missing part of me. Anyways it one of Zan’s friend’s birthdays the day before, his name is Show. So Zan told the dj person at the café that it was our birthday and they do this big odd birthday celebration thing for this mass group of ppl and you get paraded around the restaurant and then you have to dance to really bad music for like 5 mins…it was awkward and I was caught on a camera phone dancing with a less then half ass attempt. Might I say I know the camera adds ten pounds but the fact that I know I had gained ten pounds in the first place probably did not help for how big I appeared in the video. Whatever all these chicks here are so tiny it just exacerbates what appears to be fat on my body. Ugh so tired…the songs we had to half dance too as they did not play the entire song was the “YMCA” some song I have never heard before equally as bad and annoying, and then “Liv’in La Vida Loca”…it was rough I did my best. Zan also gave me a tattoo book of girls tattoos which is freaking ridiculous as I have briefly skimmed through it with like “stereotypical” looks and some pretty lamo tattoos but I noticed there was a section on contemporary artist tattoos or something…basically I just noticed there is a section with some FAFI tattoos (a French Graffiti artist) so that was sweet. Where was I…I paid 5$ total for my food which was French fries and a non stop sprite (which they don’t ever do in Japan for some reason). So Zan paid for that which was really nice. Which is also good because I thought I had way more money with me then I took, because this morning I forgot I removed a 10,000 yen from my wallet since I was only going to school. Yea so it was not to bad nothing great. I like chilling in my room. I must admit though I was extremely freaked out about going because I was unsure if they would stay out all night but we came back by 11. Although I did not catch the bus back because we rode bikes to the station (thank gosh Yuki gave me a bike) anyway. Yea nothing too great happened. Zan constantly asks me about boyfriends or what I look for in a dude. A vagina. I’m half joking, I enjoy the penis. It really is not about looks it’s more of the personality. Anyway blab blab blab…I’m going to go to sleep. I love you all.

ill...bored...

Uhg, I am ill today. This kind of sucks because I wanted to get out and go and see something this weekend since I have not gotten out much in the last month. Not that I had any place figured out that I wanted to go or anyone to go with but…you know it’s nice to have the option. I am not horribly sick and bed ridden and feeling like I am going to die but I am rather tired and until I took two Advil ibuprofen I had a tinkling head ache, and my nose was running a touch and my chest felt extremely heavy. Yea, for medicine! I talked to my family today so that made me feel a bit better. My room is cold even though I have my little heater on at 24 degrees Celsius…expensive and almost useless. I think they should insulate the rooms a little bit…I mean I think it would also keep the heat out in the summer. Well I don’t really have to much more to say at the moment…maybe I will make a new post later…I was just trying to do something with my time as I don’t feel well enough to leave the apartment or clean it. Huff it even seems like its taking to much energy to type…and I feel a touch intoxicated but that would just be from the Advil as I never take medication and I’m not feeling good…
Love you all…wish me better!

Drive me far...away...just...far away...I dont care where just far

I remember being grounded one summer a couple years ago, well nearly 5 now and thinking that the time was going by so slowly. I was depressed and could not wait until I was ungrounded. I kind of having that feeling now I suppose but it’s a touch different because I can go out and do things. I suppose it’s the lack of having a friend around. My boyfriend of the time had moved away for the summer, and I was not aloud out of the house. I could talk to my friends over the internet but other then that I was not aloud to see them or leave the house. Living in Japan is similar. My choice but similar. I need to get out and go visit some place I have no been to yet, maybe I can ask someone to take me somewhere. I would go wondering off on my own but that is extremely intimidating when alone in an extremely foreign country. I wish I was more adventurous and did not care about getting lost. I mean really I don’t care but ever since that one time I accidentally got lost here and got in trouble for it even though it was an accident I really don’t want to brave all of the train systems and subway systems. I’m more so a hermit in Japan then I was in gr.12. I have slowly become to realize that friendship systems in Japan are completely different from the ones I have in Canada. Friends don’t spend huge amounts of time with each other just hanging out. Friends get together in the city and pay for entertainment, I have not heard of friends coming over just to hang out and watch a movie, or spending mass amounts of their free time with their friends like my group of friends or previous friendships I have had with people. Same goes with boyfriends, they tend just to meet each other in the City and see each other once a week if they are lucky (seriously my tutor sees her boyfriend like once every month and a half because they live so far apart and are so busy). No one just hangs out with each other. Nobody cuddles. I have not seen anyone cuddling, let alone media where people are embracing each other. I have seen some handshaking, no hugging. It’s actually kind of sad. It’s making me kind of sad. I am trying to recycle and have a hug pile in my room right now and I don’t know what to do with it because I don’t know where to bring it to recycle. I had been putting some of it with the bottles at the shopping mart where you can drop off a few types of recyclables but a lady grabbed the ones I put in and threw them into the garbage because I don’t know they don’t recycle them but they have the sign on them. Ugh I wanted to do something but I did nothing. Where do you recycle them, I can find a place to recycle hard plastics, or like semi hard plastics via cookie containers type things. Also I don’t know where to recycle all my soft plastics like bags and wrappings. It’s really depressing since Japan is supposed to be one of the best recyclers. People think I am collecting garbage because they don’t know it’s recyclable. I guess I will just try and not by anything in bags. Or pre-packaged…but that’s almost impossible. Hum…I will find a way. I wish I had a friend here, but I have decided I probably wont make one I don’t think I will get very good at Japanese. Yuki gave me a bike that they “fixed up” I think that meant they fixed the tire or something because the breaks basically don’t work. Like they work 30 % out of 100 I would say. As well I don’t have a helmet and the Japanese are all ready crazy enough drivers that it’s like a death trap. I must admit I feel safer on a mountain bike because I would really second guess if I could take the bike off the curb without it like busting. Uhhh crappy bikes. I suppose I can use it to view the area quicker, but there is always the whole death trap thing about it. I have not even noticed any helmet shops or anything like that anywhere. I don’t even know if my head would fit into a Japanese helmet because as someone pointed out to me the other day compared to her head (the Japanese) their heads are not like round-ish at the back they are more like flat and just go straight into their neck where our(if you have european/african/native decents) heads have a concave part from our neck to the back of our head switching back to convex. Yea so whatever, I should get some of my homework done…it just one sheet but it is due tomorrow. I love you guys. I’m so excited for my visitors. Love you all

Twenty an Adult....

It was my birthday yesterday and I am officially not a teenager anymore I am a young adult. I am in starting my 20's, and I must say there is a slight foreboding of terrifying feelings brewing inside me. This all comes with realizing that my next mile stone other then turning 25 is turning 30 which is a far away but will probably come before I know it (which in a way I hope does not). Thus I know I actually have to make real serious efforts to try and become completely independent financially of my parents, grandparents etc. I have to be completely self sufficient. I mean I don’t have any ambition to over shine my parent’s financial success in life, but I want to at least be comfortable like how they are and seemingly worry free about income. Anyway I suppose I have 10 years to work on all of this, so…I should make a 10 year plan but I know I just at the moment want to save up money and go travelling. I think I will stick with that for now. Growing up is scary and exhilarating.

So if you have me added to face book you can all check out the photos from New Years and what birthday photos I have added. On the 6th of January I went over to Yuki’s for a tea ceremony lesson and then after we went out for a Soba birthday which is traditional Japanese custom on birthdays. Yuki and Akio said that this was the first time they actually did it though. Before we went out for dinner, during the tea ceremony some family friends of theirs dressed me up in a traditional kimono that both the mother and her daughter have worn for various reasons, some also being that they turned 20 years old. It was very beautiful and had a tonne of interesting detail. I was a little worried about how tight it was around my waist because the tattoo was not 100% healed and I did not want to muck it up. We had the tea ceremony and the sensei gave my very own tea ceremony “kit”, or tools and what not. We took some photos and then I got out of the Kimono and we went to the restaurant.


The Japanese restaurant we went to was set up in a traditional Japanese style and is very comfortable and beautiful and plays nice dinner music. We had Nabe first, which is like a universal soup that everyone cooks and eats from. Well you scope out what you want into your own small separate dish and then eat up. They then served more food which was some rice in some soba noodle broth or something, and then soba noodles and dipping sauce and then there was some soba type frozen ice dessert but I could not eat it because there were egg whites in it. I was soooooo full that night from all the food, it was so very good!


Then next morning on my birthday my Mother woke me up at 8am to wish me happy birthday and my family sung to me which was nice but I’m not going to lie I totally cried while they sung it to me and felt extremely sad that I have suck a wonderful family to be so far away from. Ha-ha but don’t worry I’m okay and I sucked it up for the most part and they did not know I was crying until right now. Then I opened my present I had been saving since before X-mas to open and I received a magazine and two books. Then I lazed around my house feeling lonely and sorry for myself until I had to go and get tutored. We worked on my homework and that was the first time I actually did not say anything to the person I was with that it was my birthday. Then SURPRISE at the end of the session Yumi (who was tutoring me) whipped out a present for me when Ayumi and Miku showed up wishing me a Happy Birthday and bearing gifts and cards. So that was a really awesome surprise and then for the rest of the day I was not bummed out. So I paid some bills and bought a tonne of junk food and then chilled at home. Later in the evening Dong Yong dropped of my first plant which is some sort of pink flowering potted plant. So now I have my own pet I can feed my blood to instead of just pouring it down the sink. I also ate my yummy garlic dill tofu dip with some chips with just wrecks your breath for the entire evening or day you ate it. Thus with my luck two boys showed up to celebrate my birthday, and of course I reek of garlic! Whatever though I had meet them once before so first impressions are too big of a deal right? Ha anyways I was super surprised and just kind of like what? But it was nice and they gave me a gift certificate for some ice cream which I can’t eat but gave to Hitomi who also has the same birthday as me so it’s all good. They went out for food and I had tea because I stuffed my face and was full. They are okay, the one boy Zan can speak decent English and seems to be all about punk rock and that jazz. Which is fine but its more of an image I’m getting from him then a life style, to he went on and on about how he likes foreign women and blah. So I somewhat have the feeling that he only wants to be friends with me because I am foreign and scoff look exotic? Or as exotic as a Canadian can look ha-ha. Oh well whatever I think I just need to accept friendship and not trying to figure out the motive behind why a person would actually want to be my friend. I believe it’s because I already have such amazing friends that I hold an extremely high bar that I compare everyone too. So those of you who are my best buddies your pretty cool guys and it makes it hard for me to get to know other friends with you guys in the back of my head being so uber cool.

So yea I feel like I have friends just when I was getting lonely again. Tomorrow is P.E class and I am going to die if I go. My tattoo is not 100% healed yet and I don’t think I can wear a bra yet…but I don’t want to be a little bitch and not show up because of a tattoo that’s almost healed but not quite. Then again there’s the part of me that does not want to screw up $700.00 worth of art permanently on my body. So yea, I’ll tell you what happens with that. I love you guys talk to you later!

We are all one year closer to our death

Ugh. I know, I know if I eat things I am allergic to its obviously going to make me feel like poop. So that’s how I feel, but really I have not had Oreo cookies since the end of Gr.12 and I don’t even remember the last time I had tasted white chocolate. Long story short for the last three days I have been eating large servings of white chocolate and Oreos now I feel sick. My new game plan is to write myself a note from myself to future self begging the person not to eat things she knows she is allergic to but gets fed up with in hopes that they will go away and some odd sort of sadomasochistic relationship she has with herself. It’s my birthday on the 7th, I hope I have a good day and don’t sit in my room in the dark and cry my face off like last year.

As for New Years eve my cameras batteries died so there are no photos from that, but worry not I robbed my vibrator of its life *tear* and put those batteries in the camera so I could take some photos of the food Yuki made on New Years day. So that night (12.31.07) I went over to Yuki’s around 10pm and we had some Soba noodles before heading out to a temple about 25 mins away. Must I add Mr. Kaboda drives like a crazy race car driver, although a lot of the Japanese do too. The temple was on top of a small mountain about the size of Bear Mountain (all the mountains are about that big). The temples name was Dragon Fountain. I got to ding a big bell twice, I was number 10 and then on the way out they did not tell me what number I was. They do this for getting rid of like all the desires people have and there are suppose to be 108 of them in total I think. I also made some wishes and Yuki bought me a stick I have to burn next New Years she never really told me why but I burn it next year. I also had a fortune bought for me my Mr. Kuboda but I drew the fortune. Yuki told me that we are all one year closer to our death and laughed hysterically about it. Yuki said it was medium luck so that is good; hopefully medium amounts of luck happen. She was deciphering it and she also said that it said I might get married and have a baby. Excuse me while I throw up. I never want to get married and I never want to have my own baby. The world is over populated and I think I would be to mellow dramatic for a baby or irresponsible or. I mean the thought of actually considering a parasite in my uterus is incomprehensible so I have denounced it to being that I never want to have one since I can’t even think of it. I’ll just borrow other people’s children or get into community activities with children if I feel the need. I also feel some what odd about the fact that I basically lie to people when the topic of future babies come up and getting married as soon as you say at my age that you never want to get married or have children you (I) feel ostracized. Or people just assume I will change my mind, I highly doubt that…I’ve felt this way since I was born. I have just come to true terms with it. I mean I have tried to make myself want one in the future but no. It makes me feel disgusting. I would probably be one of those ladies that has one and feels no attachment to it. I would eat my young. OTHER then the fact that I’m veggie.

Oh yes back to new years. I also met Yuki’s Mother who could not tell if I was a boy or a girl but that’s okay. Being androgynous in life makes things so much simpler and less pathetic. After the temple we went back to her mothers and had some mochi and some sweet bean soup stuff (mochi was in it) and some green tea. It was good and tradional, they could not tell me why though. I was then dropped off at my home and I went to sleep. The next day I came over to the Kaboda’s around lunch and we basically sat around doing nothing but eating food. The food is all prepared so beautifully, very aesthetically pleasing. I also met her daughter and her husband and her little 7 month old boy. Somehow his hair naturally grew into a semi-limp mow hawk which is pretty sweet. There are photos on face book you can check out. So yea not to much happened but it was nice. My tattoo is flaking and my room is a mess and my dishes are a mess and it’s all disgusting so I think tomorrow my arm will be decent enough to take on some pick up and the dishes possibly. Well actually no they need to be done. Today I was suppose to meet Kazu in Namba at 12 noon, she did not show up. I stayed waiting for her until 12:25 and I was early like usual so that I would be late so I waited for about an hour. She e-mailed me and said that she arrived at 12:30. I hate when people are late, and she always is. Oh well whatever so I went wondering around America Mura town which I had not checked out yet. I bought a pin and a pack of postcards by international and national Japanese contemporary artist Yoshitomo Nara. If you read Juxtapoz you’ll know who I’m talking about. I was uber excite because I’m into his stuff. Everyone wish me a Happy Birthday on the 7th of January. I will be 20 years of age! No longer a teenager. I love you